I’m not asking for sympathy here.
Just imagine you cannot pursue big life things. You can have them, but not now.
You have the feeling of life passing you by.
I see so many friends get married, have babies. I’m so happy for them. It’s sad though too, selfishly.
I’ve struggled a lot with depression during this recovery. I had to take a break from therapy, then the pandemic happened right when I was ready to go back.
My therapist had to evaluate my suicide risk and my psychologist had to up my meds. Last spring, I was still figuring out what happened and because of an episode at therapy had to go to the ER; thankfully I was not admitted.
I woke up so many days thinking “I want to die” and I made peace to not have what I loved anymore (shows, books etc.). What got me through though was thinking how my death would affect the people I love.
I’m choosing to share this in hopes that you know you’re never alone; it’ll get better even though it seems dark now. You are loved and SO enough.