I had a fluffy Obsessed post scheduled. It’s now scheduled for in a few weeks. Life happened. I love fun stuff; I have a light post scheduled for next week. Unfortunately life isn’t all tv shows, funny TikToks and celebrity gossip. (Wish it was!)
I know A LOT of people that regularly debate and I personally find that rude. You don’t know how the person or people feel. Opinions are like assholes; everyone has got one and I choose to not talk about negativity because it’s too like complaining. That’s why I blog; if you don’t want to see it don’t read.
I said something to some friends and they were hurt. I’m sorry I hurt them but I don’t regret it. I know I should (more on that later); I sometimes forget not everyone’s not as blunt as I am but that’s not an excuse.
I do not fear saying I’m sorry and I was wrong.
And you know what?
I’m done.
I’m not angry; there’s no malice in that statement. I’m stressed but not about that; I have a lot of personal shit right now going on in my life. I’m tired of being told I was wrong and sugarcoating words just to appease feelings. I said what I said, I’m willing/strong enough to deal with the repercussions and I just want to deal with it and move on.
I’m a very compassionate person and I’m sick of feeling like the villain because I’m human and I made a mistake. Need proof? I sobbed to Kevin over FaceTime Sunday, vented to girlfriends Tuesday and reached out to my therapist this week. NOT about this. I’m a strong independent woman but sometimes I’m a scared girl that needs to cry and hug her daddy.
There’s a strong push about right and wrong, and how people should be sorry. Why do you think there’s this big thing that women apologize too much? Own it, and if that’s being “a bitch” so be it.
I’ve certainly changed a lot these past few years; this experience accelerated it but this would have happened anyways.
This week I posted a photo on Instagram. A friend kindly sent me an article about the original cause with no blame of me, another friend so eloquently captioned her post, then I edited my caption to add language about the cause. No big deal. No feelings were hurt. I use Instagram to raise my voice, as well as post glamorous photos of my life. I personally choose to be open on the internet because I try to inspire others but I understand the negatives of that.
I’m so in awe of how awesome women are and I know so many badass amazing women just slaying. Professionals. Healthcare workers. Moms. Teachers. People dedicated to making themselves better.
Have you ever noticed how people hide behind their phones? I totally do it too; not being high and mighty here. How many times have you pulled out your phone in an elevator to avoid speaking to a person? Well Logan, what if they’re a weirdo? An elevator ride is tops a minute. Deal with it. How many times have you been physically with friends but on your phone? But Logan, there’s people to text and important news! Guess what? All that can wait until you’re not with your friends. Pre-surgery I’d people watch how many were on their phones on my commute. Now I check out people on their phones in waiting rooms. Watch this; of course the clip I chose is from a British newspaper.
You can literally ask me anything. I will choose the appropriate medium, whether that be email or text, Zoom or in person. But I’m an open book; this experience shattered some personal barriers I had.
Now, one more thing. What do you do when you feel like you have to dim your light to fit in with others? I’m not that vain; we all have problems and everyone’s shit stinks. But I’m making personal and professional progress, big and small, despite this awful situation. I’m finding solutions for problems instead of wallowing. I have a man that loves me and a dog that always picks his momma. I refuse at all to appear the victim here. I’m not going to apologize for any of those things.
