I care so much about my friends and family. I love fiercely and hate seeing people in pain and hurting. However that sympathy only goes so far because of what I’ve been through.
I’ve had the terror of being at work and getting the call to immediately go to the hospital, discussing cancer with doctors in the ER before we knew what this was, seeing the image of the huge tumor in my brain. I had to gear myself up for the 5 hour surgery to remove it. I spent a month in the hospital. I was transferred to therapy in an ambulance while my dad held my hand.
I had so much ripped away from me so quickly. I could not work. I could not travel.
I also could not speak or walk. Think in a normal day how much you do those things. I was in a wheelchair for over a year.
I had plans. After 7 years of traveling as an auditor and not being able to vacation during busy season I had taken my last work trip of the year and was planning a trip to Hawaii in the spring with Kevin. I had tickets to two events that Kevin had to sell. I wasn’t physically able to do what I loved; go out to eat, dance, read.
I went through two awful eye surgeries and two really painful recoveries. The first few days were really rough. I had to sleep propped up on my back for 3 days and I’m a side sleeper. This time around 2 days after I got my period and had awful cramps. I had daily headaches, unbearable itchiness and I had a sty on my eyelid that compromises my ability to fully open my eye.
I am dealing with this pandemic same as everyone else. I had TMJ and dealt with poor sleep and heightened anxiety. Just because I don’t have a job doesn’t mean this hasn’t been tough. I was just starting to get comfortable going out into the community and the shutdown happened.
I had to be on thickened liquids for months for safety. They are gross AF.
This yes is painful. It’s in the past and I do not dwell on it. But it happened. It’s my history.
I absolutely will be there for you, no questions asked. Whatever you need, to discuss or just to vent and cry. But please remember I’ve endured something horrible that no person should have to do.
