Last summer I shared my scary experience with depression. Thankfully I’m so past that but I want to pontificate on it a bit because I hope you never deal with this.
Suicidal thoughts are so weird; you’re really not yourself. I would lay in bed thinking “I don’t want to be alive.” I would evaluate my surroundings for how I could do it. I’d think about the people in my life and how they’d be better off without me, and how eventually they’d be ok. I made peace with not having the seemingly small but important things I love like seeing how shows I love move along in plot and reading books.
Now even when I’m down the thought of killing myself seems absurd. I am in love with my life, even though it’s so different from what is was pre-surgery.
So my big tip if you experience this is TALK TO SOMEONE. I had a friend who went through this send me a big helpful email on her experience. My mom talked through my suicide ideas with me, showing me the flaws. I got professional help, my therapist did a suicide susceptibly evaluation and we upped my medication slightly.
Like I said I’m thankfully so past that but it is extremely scary, especially when you know you’d never normally go to that place. At the time I’d keep saying “this isn’t me.”
Another tip is just tell yourself this is temporary, it will get better. You’re not yourself, that’s ok but just hang on. You’ll get through this, promise.