How to Have a Mature Disagreement

There’s a lot I’ve had to do that otherwise wouldn’t have to do if it were not for this TBI. A lot of it though is good general life skills that I wish everyone would have to learn. The biggest is how to fight but still be respectful.

First and foremost is to choose your where and when wisely. A general rule is everyone is extremely mad right away and it’s a good idea to let some time pass or something may get said that’s very hurtful. That being said, you want to be timely versus letting something stew for days/weeks. And just be smart. Example? I snapped at my dad one recent morning while brushing my teeth. But who wants to have a discussion in a bathroom? It’s hot and small. I waited until 5 minutes later when we sitting down in our cool family room to dissect it.

You should be respectful to the other person even if, especially if, you hate their guts in that moment. Definitely rant about them until you’re blue in the face, call them mean names, but the person never deserves to be told anything below the belt.

Excuses to me are like opinions; like assholes everyone has them. No one cares about your life as much as you do. As such, you may be enduring to you an extremely important thing that is the hardest thing you’ve ever had happen…and it’s really not. Of course people should be compassionate but your detailed excuses just seem like white noise you’re throwing out to support your side. What you’re going through does support your actions but can seem like an unnecessary way to explain bad behavior.

This is tough when you’re passionate but try your best to not yell. The most productive disagreements I’ve had have have been with a calm voice all around.

In person is always, ALWAYS, better than text or email. We hide behind our phones and can have conflict without the uncomfortableness of actually facing someone. Now unfortunately I can type much better than I can speak but I never type something I wouldn’t be comfortable saying and I’m always willing to discuss something in person.

Obviously this last one is who you are so I can just advise here. Don’t hold on to things; life’s too short to operate with a chip on your shoulder. Personally I am like an elephant; I forgive but don’t forget. I’m not being petty but your past actions do define your character.

I am by no means an expert. I have my flaws, have a temper and sometimes all this goes out the window. But I hope by sharing what I’ve learned can help you.

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Author: loganmer

Chicago CPA. Passionate about many things; mildly OCD.

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