My Voice

If you follow me on Instagram you know I recently posted some videos of me pre-surgery talking. I had someone ask me if I’ve been told I’ll get my old voice back.

Here’s the thing with brain injuries. Unlike say breaking a bone, every case is different. Some people have a tumor and are in many ways how they were before; walking and talking. Some cases are like me; much more devastating and more evident after effects. Because of this no one will (or should) give me a definitive timetable. They do say, and this is consist, past progress is a good indication of future progress.

I have aphasia, a clinical term that means I comprehend totally as I did before but I communicate differently. I have worked with many speech therapists to know strategies so that my intelligibility is there, My research shows that aphasia continues to improve over years if not decades.

So yes it’s heartbreaking to not have my old voice. But the progress is pretty remarkable;I mean in January 2019 when my parents brought me to their house I was pointing to spell out words on a letter board. It’s hard to talk to people with such a slower, weird voice.

This is in no way confirmed by any sort of professional; I’m just assessing the situation logically. I thought for a while I had permanent damage to my vocal cords. After my surgery I was talking in my old voice. However, at one point I had to have a feeding tube…which I pulled out three times before they put cloth restraints on my hands.

People are like “didn’t you understand this was wrong?” No. When you’re in a state like I was, the simplest animalistic behaviors transcend any logic. I absolutely did not want to be in the hospital. So because of that I did “stupid” things, including potentially causing permanent damage.

But: when I got discharged I was on a thickened liquid diet, and had to pass a swallow test from a voice doctor to get off that. This entailed having a camera put down my throat (man the pure shit I’ve had to endure from this). The doctor said everything looked great and I passed. I would think he would have mentioned seeing any damage.

So I don’t know. I probably need to have a voice specialist do a more comprehensive look. I’m cautiously optimistic time is the true key to getting something back I’m happier with.

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Author: loganmer

Chicago CPA. Passionate about many things; mildly OCD.

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