My TBI made me much more clued into my mood, and has caused a much more frequent swing. Early on, my awareness of my mood was very single; I was either happy or sad and happy usually coincided on the weekend when Kevin was with me (ew I know).
I slowly entered into a more grey area vs. black or white; some of being more aware of my feelings is due to therapy but I think it’s more-so having a lot less occupying my days.
What I never experienced pre-surgery was real bouts of depression. Pre-surgery a bad mood lasted at max a few days and was mixed with happiness; now a bad mood can last weeks and nothing can immediately make me feel better. It’s a bummer; the only thing that helps me is knowing this is temporary. Sometimes the only way through is through, and you have to embrace the suck.
The other big change now is how quickly my mood can change; again I think it’s now not having as much going on that can offset/downplay the intensity of my emotions.
Take yesterday. I woke up in a semi-bad mood. Even though I’m a morning person I do not like to talk to anyone immediately. Wednesdays are a busy morning because I work out at 9am; it’s kind of hectic to get out the door on time. Then exercise=endorphins=happy and I was jovial. Then slowly over lunch and into the afternoon I fell into a bit of a funk. And that was only up to 3pm!
My takeaway with managing my mood is to first and foremost be kind to myself. Sometimes I need to make smart choices even when I don’t want to, i.e. choosing to lay down and rest my body after a tough workout even though I’d rather say, watch tv.
I’m also a big believer in accepting what, REALLY, can be taken off your to do list. Little is extremely time sensitive and I’ve seen how paring your list down to say,3 not 5 things can make a huge difference. There’s always tomorrow.
